I'm Skyler Moore! Nice to meet you!
Hey I'm Skyler Moore! I'm so excited to meet you!
Someone with less imagination would compare Skyler Moore to the most beautiful women in history. Helen of Troy, whose face launched a thousand ships, caused a decade-long war between the Greeks and the Trojans. Cleopatra, who drank pearls dissolved in vinegar and held Caesar in thrall. Eccentrica Gallumbits, the triple-breasted whore of Eroticon Six, whose erogenous zones start four miles away from her actual body.
The problem is, they all fall short. Helen might have been hot by Ancient Greek standards, but think about it. What did she know about grooming? Dentistry? She probably had a unibrow and a mustache. Though I’m sure it was a beautiful mustache. Same thing with Cleopatra. She was probably better groomed than Helen, but I can’t imagine myrrh, camphor, and all those ancient unguents smelling pleasant compared to, say, Marc Jacob’s Lola. And finally Eccentrica Gallumbits—sure, she has three breasts, but she also has multiple antennae.
Skyler Moore is prettier than the most beautiful women in history. Her smile is radiant. Her body is toned to a level that would be so absurdly perfect that even two decades ago it would be considered impossible to attain. MIT is funding a department to study the perfect parabolic curve of her bosom. There are entire Tumblr blogs dedicated to discussing the shapeliness of her legs.
All of this has gone to describing Skyler’s physical perfection. And we haven’t even touched on how passionate she is, the enthusiasm she brings to the experience, and her expert technique that would have Mata Hari bringing out her Moleskine ready to take notes. Because, frankly, we don’t need to say that. It’s all in her reviews. They’re so stellar that they kind of put everybody else’s to shame. All we can do is shrug and agree with you when you wonder why so many hapless suitors fell hopelessly in love. And sigh in commiseration when you meet her and exclaim, “Now I know!!”
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